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Love Yourself, Love Each Other, and Look Forward to What's Coming

I know. I know what you're thinking. I know I said I was done. I know I said my last post would be my actual LAST post... but I can't do it. I can't not publish. I feel less than half alive when I'm not writing, and something about this process keeps me just in love enough to not be able to let it go.

So here we are again. Welcome back. I've missed you. Thank you for being here.
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I've had a lot of people ask me if I made any resolutions for the new year, and to be honest with you I hadn't really thought about it until after I'd been asked several times. I answered several of you with an, "I don't know," and at the time that was honest. At the time, I really had no idea. But I know now.

My resolutions for 2019 include:

To be more emotionally vulnerable.
To be open to new experiences.
To be more human and less of a perfectionist.
To devote more time to expressing myself and being creative.
To worry less about what others think of me.
To be more present instead of so in my own head all the time.
To practice empathy.
To say yes to more opportunities.
To reach out more willingly when I need help.
To speak my mind more often.
To recognize that sometimes just trying is enough.
And more than anything, to just continue to grow.
To grow as a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a soulmate, an employee, a writer, a student and a woman. 

Growth. That's where my focus is for all of 2019.
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Self-love Journey Updates:

I started my self-love journey one day in my school therapist's office when I was 16 years old. I'm 21 now, and there hasn't been a single day between then and now that I haven't made self-love a top priority. It's been five years, and I think the most important thing that this journey has taught me is that living for the little things is a make or break when it comes to mental health. 

During each therapy session, I was instructed to come up with at least two things that I was looking forward to or excited about. 

"If you're always looking forward, you won't be so stuck in your own mind," the therapist would tell me. "If you're looking forward to taking a shower tonight, that's enough." 

Even at 16, when that seemed stupid to me in the moment, I wrote that down and I've kept it ever since. At 21, I can promise you there's truth to it. 

From that day on I started reaaaaaallllllly focusing in on the tiniest parts of my daily life. I hated waking up early for class, so I started doing the jumble puzzles in the newspaper every day and I'd keep them until I solved them no matter how long it took. I'd take them to school with me and work on them during any free time I had. Knowing those would always be in the newspaper on the dining room table when I'd wake up weary-eyed at 6:30 a.m. was what kept me looking forward to being alive. Something that little made that big a difference.  

Now I'm 21 years old... and my mom still buys me books of them. Talk about looking out for your people. <3
Talk about looking out for your people, part 2: 
I'm pretty easy to get drunk on Prosecco. Like... scary easy. So shoutout to my boyfriend for realizing I had definitely gotten to that point in the first minutes of 2019, and for bringing me Tylenol and water so the headache wouldn't last. And for standing with me in the bathroom while I brushed my teeth just to make sure I was okay. And just for being my person, because I wouldn't want to live this messy life with anyone else. 
xo, babe. I love you.
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But yeah, appreciating the hell out of the little things drastically increases the quality of your life. I used to not care for painting my nails at all. I still don't, really, because I'm awful at it, but I change my nail polish more often than ever now just because I look forward to choosing and trying new colors. Sometimes self love really is that simple. Oh, and sunsets. 

I've been known to stay an extra hour or two at work some days just so I can catch the sunset on my way out the door. There's something about closing in on a work day while the world decides to sort of wind down with you that just makes everything feel okay for a few minutes. 
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Happy feels good, but it hasn't just happened. I've worked pretty hard to get to where I am now, mentally. I've made a conscious effort to speak my mind more often instead of staying quiet. I've cleansed my social media- unfollowing people and pages that have been harmful to the emotional peace I've tried so hard to cultivate. I've blocked phone numbers of people who have proven to be toxic to me. I've stopped apologizing for being brutally honest with people. I've been drinking more water, watching more sunsets and taking the longer routes home just to have more time to sing along to my favorite songs. 
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The newest (and last... for a while) addition to my tattoo family is a rose, placed under the word "fearless" because I've always just felt like these two go together. 
I wanted the rose because I've always admired the symbolism- the idea that something can be beautiful but cause pain or cause pain but still be beautiful. 
I love that a single flower can have gorgeous, delicate petals and blade-like thorns all at once. 
I love that roses are a symbol of love itself.
You aren't in love if you're just looking at the petals. You're in love when you get stuck with the thorns and you still think the flower is beautiful. 
The rose on my arm is a reminder to love fearlessly. 
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Now here's some real talk.

Life is hard. Being human is hard. Being alive is exhausting. Growing up is wild. And again, life is hard. Here's what I want for you in 2019. 

I want you to devote time every day of your life to taking care of yourself. I want you to be honest with yourself. I want you to ask for help when you need it. I want you to check on your friends and to take care of your people. I want you to always look forward to something. I want you to see that your life is still beautiful even if it sticks you with its thorns and makes you bleed. 

XOX

love yourself 
love each other
and look forward to what's coming 



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