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A Letter To The Version of Myself Who Worries

Don't.
Yeah, you read that right. Just... don't.

I know. I know you're in college. I know some things are happening faster than you'd like them to, while others seem to be taking far too long. I know you tend to think you aren't ready. And in some cases I'm sure you're not, but I also know you've got a strong heart in your chest and a good head on your shoulders. 

I know those shoulders of yours think they're bearing the weight of the world- but they're not. Believe me, they are not. I know that you think the decisions you're making now will make or break your life. The big ones might, but with almost all of them there is room to mess up. There is room to run. There is time. This is when you are allowed to destroy what is toxic to you and fall in love with whatever or whoever you want. This is your world. Explore it. Don't let it ruin you.

Allow yourself to get in too deep. It is okay to jump into things without testing the water by dipping your toes in or by looking both ways before crossing. There is no sign of any one-way streets. You can always turn back and take a different route. You can not drown unless you push yourself down too hard or hold your own breath too long.

Breathe. Swim. Stroll. Run. Run wild. Catch your breath. Do it all again. Over and over, while you're young, limber, and eager to live. 

And hey, people are going to tell you they love you. Love them back. Love them deeply. Even if they change their mind. Even if it turns out neither of you really meant it. Even if they choose somebody over you. Still love them. Be the bigger person no matter how small anyone ever makes you feel. Love as many and as much as you can without so much as a hint of regret. Love without limits. Open yourself to every form of friendship and of foul play that comes along with letting people into your life. 

Be certain in your uncertainty. 

Oh, and never, ever apologize for telling anybody how you feel. Ever. Do not apologize for being too open or expressive with your emotions. Don't apologize for telling someone that they're the reason you're smiling- or crying. Don't apologize for sharing too many of your own thoughts or putting too much of yourself out in the world because one, that's impossible and two, you will have haters regardless of what you do or don't do. So, darling, live your own damn life, and live it unapologetically. 

I know how it feels to have insecurities. I know what it's like to worry yourself sick. I know you want to find the love of your life already and who knows, maybe you have and just don't know it. I know that your life right now tends to feel like you're either standing on top of the world or you're tumbling down it- getting bruised and beaten senseless. I know what it's like to look at other people and think that they have it all together but honey, they're just like you. 

I know this, because I am you. I'm the happy version of you right now. I'm the you that finally feels at home because I'm sitting here using this blog to tell you all these things that I've learned and that I've wished I could tell you in the middle of your worst nights. 

I'm the happy version of you and I want to continue to exist. I want to take over. I want to lead you. You just have to let me. 

Let me show you how to live your mess. Please.

But until you answer, and maybe even after you do, even if you let me take over you still will struggle with doubt and with worry- so listen. 

To the version of myself who worries: don't. Just don't. Just be. Be happy, be free, be unafraid. Be open, be loving, be fierce. Do not be uncertain. Do not be shy. Be you. 


And I'm right here when you need me. I love you. 


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