Evolve or remain.

This past Sunday, after accompanying my mama to the local art museum so we could visit my photographer/artist father as he worked, I dialed my grandma's phone number in the parking lot. My dad had told me her wi-fi wasn't working, so my mom and I decided we'd call to see if she wanted us to come help. "Hey, it's me," I said, as soon as she picked up. "How are you?" There was a pause for a moment, before she spoke. "Hey darlin'! It's so good to hear your voice!" Grandma's are great for that, aren't they? For making you feel loved. "Mom and I are downtown right now," I told her. "And dad said your wi-fi isn't working so we thought if you're up for it, we'd stop by and help. We're not far from your house." Silence for another few seconds. "That'd be great, honey," she said. "I'm sure it's something easy, and maybe I'm just not doing the right thi...

Don't worry. I'm not going to tell your story. But I will tell ours. Partly because I think it just demands to be told, but also because I've never had a fuller heart than now.  Image credit: Randy Tobias And forgive me please, because it is so hard to have such a full heart and to have so many things to say but to not have infinite time to say it all. And it is impossible to do our friendship justice in a single post, or two or twenty or ten thousand. I've tried to put the bond that we have into words. I've tried to explain to people how incredible it was to grow up right beside you, and in doing so I've watched them smile, nod and claim that they understand the things I'm saying- but all this time I've had to just accept that no matter how I tell our story, it'll never really make sense to anyone but us.  Which, without a doubt in my mind, is the most beautiful thing I've ever gotten to be a part of and a witness to at the same time...

I'm 99% certain I'm still finding sand here and there even after countless showers since my return home, and as annoying as it is I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's been about a week since my trip back to Kansas after spending a week in South Carolina, and it's taken me until now to write this because getting back into my everyday routine after a week of vacationing is just. so. draining. That said, it feels so great to be writing again and to be sharing it with you. It's so nice to finally be caught up on bills, to be done with enrollment for the upcoming semester, and to have an empty work email inbox after filtering through endless "here's what you missed" subject lines. The vacation time was much needed, and now that it's over I'm happy to have the chance to rewind it again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Change was more or less the underlying theme of this trip, as much as it...

It's almost as if my being is made up of oil and water; I'm a skeptic and an optimist. That seems like it wouldn't work, right? They don't mix. Wrong. It has worked for nineteen years- and counting. I say that because it's true, it really has. But just because it has worked does not mean it has been easy. Of all the words I could use to describe how it has been, easy is my very last choice. And that's okay. Easy has never been what I've wanted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For my whole life, people have asked me how I grew to be so skeptical and cynical of the world. I've never had an answer, but the people who have known me from my earliest days can attest to this- I think I've just always been this way. On both this blog and my last one, I've shared stories with you about my episodic skepticism tantrums. I've told you about the substitute teacher I had in Kindergarten who asked the c...

Love is a four letter word and somehow, probably also the absolute hardest to define. What is it? How do you know when you love someone? How do you know when someone loves you? Can it be truly unconditional? If it isn't unconditional, is it really love? How can you say you love someone and not be together forever? Can you love someone in one way and someone else in another way? Is pragmatic love named correctly? Does the word "love" deserve to be associated with something that's pragmatic? And what about lust? Don't the two get confused? Let's talk about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Throughout the time I've been writing/blogging, I've gotten a lot of requests to discuss things like this. Love, relationships, breakup advice, thoughts on marriage, ideal future, etc. I love writing about things like these. That's right- love. How do I know? Because I feel happiest when I'm here in my creatio...

In the worst moments I experienced while dealing with depression, people would say a lot of the same things to me. "Stop wasting your time feeling sad." "Focus on the positive things." "Hey, here's a silver lining..." "Don't spend so much energy on negativity." And my least favorite: "Don't worry, be happy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, almost two years later, I'm not battling depression anymore. That said, I still deal with emotional breakdowns and tantrums that I can't explain. During those episodes, people still try to comfort me by saying similar things. Towards the end of my freshman year of college, there was one particular week that I thought may as well have been the end of my world. I had caught my boyfriend cheating on me with a girl I had been friends with, my phone had died completely so I had no way to even talk to my best friends about what ...