This past Sunday, after accompanying my mama to the local art museum so we could visit my photographer/artist father as he worked, I dialed my grandma's phone number in the parking lot.
My dad had told me her wi-fi wasn't working, so my mom and I decided we'd call to see if she wanted us to come help.
"Hey, it's me," I said, as soon as she picked up. "How are you?"
There was a pause for a moment, before she spoke.
"Hey darlin'! It's so good to hear your voice!"
Grandma's are great for that, aren't they? For making you feel loved.
"Mom and I are downtown right now," I told her. "And dad said your wi-fi isn't working so we thought if you're up for it, we'd stop by and help. We're not far from your house."
Silence for another few seconds.
"That'd be great, honey," she said. "I'm sure it's something easy, and maybe I'm just not doing the right thing. But that would be great and I'd love to see you."
"We'll be there soon!" I told her. "I love you."
And I hung up. The whole interaction only lasted 57 seconds.
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We stopped at the Starbucks a few blocks from my grandma's house, where my mama and I each ordered a grande drink because let's be honest- if you order anything smaller than a grande, why are you even there?
As the barista boy handed my mother her drink, we told him it was beautiful.
"Of course it's beautiful," he said. I made it."
And as funny as it was in the moment, it hit me like hurricanes hit the coasts as soon as we drove off that I really wish I had that kind of confidence.
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Once we made it to the house, we skipped ringing the doorbell (or knocking) and went ahead inside because when you're family, you get to do that.
After hugs, settling in, and the usual "how have you been?" conversations, my grandma handed her phone to me and her iPad to my mother.
"They just.. I just am not sure," she said. "I can't find Facebook, and for some reason the iPad screen won't let me do anything."
"I can't guarantee this will work," I told her. "But I'll do everything I can."
My mom and I spent the next hour or so trying everything. Powering devices down, re-downloading apps, changing passwords, setting up new accounts, getting her computer up and running, powering things back up and repeating those processes over and over again.
We didn't end up getting the iPad to work, but my grandma fetched the box and my mom agreed to take it in to a professional. Meanwhile, we successfully restored Facebook to the phone and reminded her how to use it.
"This is where you'll get your messages," I told her as I pointed to the inbox icon at the corner of the screen. "I'll send you a message when I get home and you can respond so I know you remember how."
She laughed, we laughed, and for a minute everything was right with the world. I had work to get done, school to prepare for, errands to run and chores to finish still- but for those few hours I was okay with putting all of those things on the back burner so I could give spotlight stage time to what ACTUALLY mattered.
My dad had told me her wi-fi wasn't working, so my mom and I decided we'd call to see if she wanted us to come help.
"Hey, it's me," I said, as soon as she picked up. "How are you?"
There was a pause for a moment, before she spoke.
"Hey darlin'! It's so good to hear your voice!"
Grandma's are great for that, aren't they? For making you feel loved.
"Mom and I are downtown right now," I told her. "And dad said your wi-fi isn't working so we thought if you're up for it, we'd stop by and help. We're not far from your house."
Silence for another few seconds.
"That'd be great, honey," she said. "I'm sure it's something easy, and maybe I'm just not doing the right thing. But that would be great and I'd love to see you."
"We'll be there soon!" I told her. "I love you."
And I hung up. The whole interaction only lasted 57 seconds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We stopped at the Starbucks a few blocks from my grandma's house, where my mama and I each ordered a grande drink because let's be honest- if you order anything smaller than a grande, why are you even there?
As the barista boy handed my mother her drink, we told him it was beautiful.
"Of course it's beautiful," he said. I made it."
And as funny as it was in the moment, it hit me like hurricanes hit the coasts as soon as we drove off that I really wish I had that kind of confidence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once we made it to the house, we skipped ringing the doorbell (or knocking) and went ahead inside because when you're family, you get to do that.
After hugs, settling in, and the usual "how have you been?" conversations, my grandma handed her phone to me and her iPad to my mother.
"They just.. I just am not sure," she said. "I can't find Facebook, and for some reason the iPad screen won't let me do anything."
"I can't guarantee this will work," I told her. "But I'll do everything I can."
My mom and I spent the next hour or so trying everything. Powering devices down, re-downloading apps, changing passwords, setting up new accounts, getting her computer up and running, powering things back up and repeating those processes over and over again.
We didn't end up getting the iPad to work, but my grandma fetched the box and my mom agreed to take it in to a professional. Meanwhile, we successfully restored Facebook to the phone and reminded her how to use it.
"This is where you'll get your messages," I told her as I pointed to the inbox icon at the corner of the screen. "I'll send you a message when I get home and you can respond so I know you remember how."
She laughed, we laughed, and for a minute everything was right with the world. I had work to get done, school to prepare for, errands to run and chores to finish still- but for those few hours I was okay with putting all of those things on the back burner so I could give spotlight stage time to what ACTUALLY mattered.
To what always matters more than anything: the people I love.
Image credit: Suzanne Tobias
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But we didn't just go over to fix her electronics. She could have hired someone to do what we did and I'm confident when I say anyone she would've hired would've done much better than my mama and I. That said, she couldn't have hired the kind of company that family and family alone can provide.
That is one thing that the world has done an excellent job of teaching me. There is nothing better than the comfort of the people you love, and who love you back.
So I told her about my new jobs, my feelings about the upcoming school year, the story about my best friend and anything else I could think of. My throat was sore and by the time we got up to leave my voice was giving out, but I'm glad I used that time to bring life to the words that had been impatiently sitting on my tongue for far too long.
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"Well," my mom said and shook her head as we walked towards the door to leave. "I'm sorry we couldn't fix everything.. but at least we got something working. At least we were useful. It's nice to be needed."
And it is. She's right. It's nice to be needed.
Too often, I think people (and particularly people my age) get a little too wrapped up in being wanted to value being needed enough- if at all. We want to be loved. We want someone to look at us and tell us that we're beautiful. We want people to be crazy about us. We want to be put up on a pedestal and told how great we are. We want to be everybody's hero, but we don't want to have to do anything to earn that title. We want to be somebody's perfect goodnight kiss every single night but we don't want to be there when that someone calls upon us for help.
We often fail to remember that to be needed is to be loved. We make it too complicated. We forget that love, in all honesty, is so so simple.
Love is not always, "you look beautiful in that red dress," or "I brought you flowers."
Sometimes love is making a 57 second phone call, driving 15 minutes from downtown to the south side, saying how you feel and doing whatever the hell you can do because you are the one who came to someone's mind when they realized they couldn't do whatever it was on their own.
Love is being needed, and love is showing up when someone needs you.
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Notes:
My life has changed pretty drastically in the recent few weeks. With adding two new jobs to my already busy schedule, I'm left with very little time to sit here and write.
I write for two newspapers now on top of my weekly writing as part of the Odyssey team, so my desire to produce new work has dwindled and the energy that I usually put into my own writing has started to decrease a little bit too quickly.
That being said, I've made a promise to myself to sit and write whenever I have an extra few minutes. I've promised myself to publish as often as I can, but not to let it rule me.
The thing that I fell in love with when I began blogging was my ability to connect with you.
I am still very much, and quite possibly deeper in love now.
But for when I am not writing, I want you to know several things.
I want you to know that love is whatever you think it is, times 10 million.
I want you to know that the world and its weight are never going to take refuge on your shoulders.
I want you to know that there will always be someone who says mean things.
I want you to know there will always be someone who secretly wishes they could live your life.
There will always be rumors, liars and backstabbers.
But there will also be great stories, big hearts and beautiful souls.
Hold your head high. Pick your battles.
Be who people need, and the right people will be there for you when you need them, too.
xox,
if you need them and they love you, they will do everything they can
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