Evolve or remain.

"This is not how I wanted to make the Top 100," I joked with my parents a week ago, moments after the doctor in the ICU gave me my diagnosis and informed us that I was only the 84th patient with it in the world. The night after my 25th birthday, my boyfriend called my mom as I puked blood and the decision was made to rush me to the ER.  In the waiting room my fever spiked, and I passed out on Nick's shoulder. Everything was blurry, it hurt to hold my head up and I was barely able to open my eyes when my mom and Andy arrived.  Nurses asked me a million questions while my world spun faster and faster, and I kept it together right up until a minute after they left. Nick held my hair while I threw up in an emergency room trash can, with an IV in my hand and tears in my eyes from the burn in my throat.   And that was the beginning.  The doctor came in and told us I would need to be transferred to the main hospital, and that I'd be in the ER overnight or at least unti...

I usually try to do a blog around my birthday each year. It helps me reflect on everything that happened in the last 365 days. But this year... I'm not sure I can sum it all up in one post. Or several, even. This year has been insane. In good ways and bad. To say that this year tested me is putting it lightly. I've struggled a lot more than I have in the past, but I've also achieved a lot and celebrated the tiniest wins. My mental health took a major hit this year. I had bottled a lot up, and it came back to bite me.  I was admitted to the ER 3 separate times in 6 months. On May 20 I puked blood, and I've been seeing doctors ever since. 4 procedures, 14 bands, 20+ IV's, 15 prescriptions, 32 blood draws, and about $6,000 later... I got a dual diagnosis. It's chronic. I was born with it, I just didn't know until now. The good news is that I have an outstanding surgeon, and a fantastic hematologist, and the nurses are great, and I feel taken care of even when m...