It's Friday night. I'm sipping a glass of whiskey. Very slowly, while I write. We opened the windows in our living room, and we can hear the rain and see the streetlights. I've just written notes to the most important people to me and put stamps on them, so they have something to smile at when they go to collect their mail. My boyfriend held my hand in the waiting room of the Cancer Center while I waited for doctors to run tests. (They were negative, thank God). I just approved my timecard for another two weeks of work at a job I love. I was able to pay rent. Sugar cookies came out of the oven not too long ago. I ordered Boy Scout popcorn from a coworker. Matthew Perry's book came for me in the mail and I finished it in two days. I couldn't put it down.
I grabbed a coffee this morning and they made it extra strong - perfect for a rainy, dark, end-of-the-week pick-me-up and the barista put a stopper in it so I wouldn't spill any on the way to my office. My boyfriend made french fries when I came home with a headache so I could put something on my stomach to eat with my medicine. The room smells like fall and things are peaceful.
The funny thing about life is that the small things usually get overlooked and undervalued. It'd be easy for me to sit here and say I'm basically broke until Thursday of next week. It'd be easy for me to compare myself to other people my age who seem to have it an awful lot more together than me. It'd be easy for me to crawl into bed and hide away from the world for quite a long time... but I'd miss a lot. I'd miss the open windows, and the smell of the rain, and the chance to write notes to the people I love. I'd miss conversations and jokes with coworkers. I'd miss not being able to help kids for 8 hours a day. I wouldn't be able to afford rent. I'd miss sugar cookies coming out of the oven. I'd miss out on buying Boy Scout popcorn. I'd miss reading and the opportunity to fall in love with more books.
I'd miss strong coffees and the support of my boyfriend. I'd miss the peace of being alive, even though it comes with more chaos than I ever imagined.
Life is hard. Being a human is hard.
And spoiler alert: it pretty much just gets harder.
But hear me out.
The harder it gets, the better the little things get too. If you let them.
Like I wrote in my last post, I've had to make some hard decisions lately. I've had to force myself to be insanely uncomfortable for the sake of growth. I've had to reflect a lot, and write a lot more, and bury myself in what matters to me because those are the things that make me want to wake up in the morning and do the work and get better. The little things seem to stand out more when life gets tough like that. If you've ever been in that position, you probably know.
Look around at your life. The people, the work, the walls you call home, the sounds around you that you usually tune out. Listen longer, speak your truth, send more letters in the mail. Sip your coffee or your tea or your whiskey or your wine or whatever you choose - but really taste it.
Sit still.
Be kind.
Soak the little things in. Wrap yourself in them. Let them become a home to you when the world around you is moving too fast.
I'm so glad you're here.
I love you. I hope you love you.
To the people who have loved me or love me still, you are everything.
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