See You When I See You

I never thought that hearing people say, "See you tomorrow!" would be something I'd regret taking for granted. I guess I never thought I'd see a day when something that normal would change. As little a thing as that seems, there are no words for how much I want it back. Because now, when I leave the office or say goodbye to anyone, all I can say or hear is, "See you when I see you." It's weird, more than anything. Sad, too. I guess Joni Mitchell was right when she sang the words, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone," in her song, "Big Yellow Taxi" that's been in my head for more than a week now while the world around me seems to have changed completely.

You'd think that as an introvert, I'd be loving a government order to stay in my apartment and avoid contact with others at all costs. You'd think I'd loving being able to wear leggings and no makeup to work because work is now something I have to do from my living room. You'd think I'd be loving online-only classes because they save me money on gas and I don't have to do presentations or group work like I've written about hating sooooooo many times. You'd think I'd be soaking up every minute of life being like this that I could get.

But as it turns out... that couldn't be further from the truth. I miss overhearing and taking part in conversations on my university campus. I miss watching kids playing together on school playgrounds during my commute to and from my office. I miss getting drinks on Friday nights after long weeks. I miss working for the weekends too, because now all the days seem to just run together. I miss sitting in coffee houses with my mama and hugging people when it feels right.

When my life was constant chaos, I tended to complain about that. I joked about how I wish I could just work from home in my pajama pants. I talked about how convenient it would be if I could just finish my degree from the comfort of my desk at home. But now that that's my reality? I've never wished so strongly that I could take something I said back.

I hated errands that seemed never-ending, and now errands are what saves me from going crazy inside the walls of my own home.

Making sure I made it to all my commitments on time was exhausting, but now that I have none? God, I wish things could go back to the way they were.

I know. It's sad/strange/funny how that works.

The good thing about all of this is that it's given me an opportunity to do more of what I absolutely love -- and that's creating. For the first time in forever I actually have the time and the energy to do so without staying up past midnight and pushing myself to any of my limits. I've been able to focus on writing genuine, wholesome content (finally) and every day, I'm gaining inspiration from the tiniest, tiniest things. So yes, I'm stuck at home, but as a writer I've never felt more free. That's something that has changed for the better and I'm grateful for that.

Oh, and forever grateful for these people. Because even in this scary time, they're still willing to sit down and share pizzas. They're still making family a top priority. They're still laughing like the world isn't hurting, and time with them makes everything feel normal again.

There's a lot that I don't know about life. That will never not be true. 

But I do know, now, the importance of enjoying it all - moment by moment.

Even when you wish it could be different, because someday it might be and you'll want it back.

I know now that taking "see-you-tomorrow"s for granted is one of the dumbest things I've ever done, and that when this is in the past I'll be more appreciative of my wild, wild little life. 

In the meantime, though, I'll be right here.

Working. Writing. Wholeheartedly loving my people. 

Because when it comes down to it, those are the only things that really matter to me anyway. 

I sincerely hope you're able to find that kind of comfort, too.

I'll see you when I see you.

XOX