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A Letter To My Future Children: You Are Always First

I know very little about being a parent, but I do know that nothing in this world is going to stop me from being the best mother I can be for you. From the minute I learn of your existence, you will be my reason. My reason to push myself, my reason to work hard, my reason to sacrifice, my reason to be even more careful with choosing my words, and my reason to maintain an iron spirit balanced with a gentle heart.

I can't promise you an easy life. I can't promise you that you'll never cry yourself to sleep or get so drunk that you can't stand the taste of Jack Daniels from that day forward. I can't promise that the world or the people in it will always be kind to you, but I can promise a lot of things that will make it better. I'll promise them to you now, before your life begins, and I also promise I'll keep my word forever.



Promises
I promise to remind you that I'm proud of you. Whether it's when you bring home a straight A report card or when you're so upset I find myself holding you and wiping tears from your face. If you're trying, I'm proud of you. If you are kind, I'm proud of you. If you struggle, I'm proud of you. It's important to me not only that you know that, but that you hear it from me. Often. 

I also promise to encourage you. To try your best, to chase your dreams, to speak your mind, to be who you are, to find your passion, to challenge yourself, to take risks, and to do what makes you happy without giving a damn about what other people think about it. 

I promise to be open with you. To have honest conversations with you, even when you're probably too young to really understand them. I promise to make emotions an important part of our mother-child bond, because I believe being brutally honest with one another is infinitely better than burying how we feel until everything under the surface erupts at once. I promise to communicate with you, and ask how you are, and ask about your day even when it gets annoying. Someday you'll appreciate it, believe me. 

I promise that family matters to me, and I promise to prioritize that above all else. I promise that you will grow up with two parents who love you unconditionally- just like they love each other. I promise you will know what family dinners and trips are like, and that you'll never have to wonder if you'll be at mom's house or dad's for a weekend. You'll grow up with family traditions, knowing everyone loves and supports you without question- not hearing terms like "custody" and "separation."

I promise to listen to you always, and to constantly make my best effort to understand you. Even when you're learning to talk, I promise you'll have my full attention when you speak. I'll listen to you when you're crying so hard your voice breaks, I'll listen to you when you yell at me, and I'll listen even when it takes you hours to express what's going on in your head. So often, as a 21 year old kid, I see parents pushing their children away emotionally. I see them trying to distract their children from how they're feeling instead of addressing it. I see them laugh in their children's faces because whatever their child is upset about seems small and insignificant to themselves. I promise on my life to be the furthest thing from that. I promise that your opinion and your feelings will always matter to me. Hearing you out will always be important to me. As your mama I'm going to want you to understand that your emotions aren't just valid, they're valued. I'm going to do everything it takes to prove that to you. 

I promise to help you with and through anything. Homework, hard classes, friend drama, puberty, heartbreak, job interviews, picking outfits, hangovers, everything. I can't promise I'll always know exactly what to do or how to help you, but I promise to do my best. I can't promise I'll always have the answers you're looking for, but I promise to help you find them. I promise to give you the best advice I know how to give you, even if you don't end up taking it. 

The reality of it all is that you'll grow up, and you'll fight me on things because that's just how life goes. You won't always listen to me or care what I think, just like I didn't with my own parents. You'll get angry with me, or with your dad, and there will be times when we're all a little angry with each other- but it's important to me that I let you know how much love and support you will always be able to count on. 24/7, 365, kiddo. No matter what. 

My goal is to parent you more as a friend and a coach than as a cop. I'm there to be responsible for you, sure, and to parent you, and to be an authority figure in your life, but my job is to raise you. To build you up, to watch you grow, and to see you go from being the little baby who kicked my tummy and made me throw up in the mornings to being someone I look at and say, "Yeah, the world has another thing coming." 

So I'm going to be the person who punishes you sometimes, and probably the last person you want to talk to when you're a teenager, but I'm also going to be the one you call from your college dorm room when you need dating advice or have a question about who knows what. You're always going to be my child, and I'm always going to be your mother. You won't always like or understand why I do what I do, but I promise someday it'll make sense. 

Someday, you'll be almost done with your junior year of college. Someday, you'll be getting ready to move out for the first time. And someday, child of mine, your mind will be racing. You'll wonder how I got through it all when your world feels too chaotic to stand still in. You'll have a million questions, about life and love and whatever else is troubling you. 

You'll be a force to be reckoned with, kid, but I know you won't always feel that way. So when you need a reminder, read this. Read this, or call me, or I'll come and get you. Whatever it is, we'll get through it together. 

I promise. 

Whatever else is going on in my own world can wait. If you need me, I'm there. I love you. You are always first.

xox, 
mom. 




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