Life Doesn't Promise You Consistency

I know, and I'm sorry. I know it's been forever since I've written. Things have been crazy in my little fraction of the world for the last couple of months- and if we're being completely honest, I haven't had the heart or the energy to write any of it out. 

Maybe I've been too busy capturing sunsets. Who really knows?

But anyway...

The process of finding the right moment to really put my entire soul into words on here is fascinating, because sometimes it happens when I'm happier than usual. Other times, it's when I feel completely beaten down. 

Right now is one of those times when it's a combination of the two. In the grand scheme of things I think it's safe to say I'm happier than I've been in a long time. But regarding this specific moment in time, the present, this very minute as I type this all out... I'm not happy at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I haven't been having the best week, and the best way I know to handle not-so-great weeks is to get queso covered chicken enchiladas from a Mexican restaurant five minutes away from home. And my brother loves Mexican food- the boy eats a dozen tacos on his own when we go as a family. So, seeing as my brother and I have the evening to ourselves, I thought I'd ask him to get dinner with me. 

He declined, choosing the frozen dinners we've had in the back of the freezer for too long instead. And I've experienced my share of rejection from boys, but tonight I realized it hurts worse when you get rejected by your family. 

"I can't even get a date with my brother," I told my mom just before she and my dad left for their dinner. And I was making a joke of it, but I have a habit of handling hurt with humor. Which, I suppose, is better than nothing. 

So instead of taking my brother out with me for dinner and laughing with him the way I would've liked to, I'm using my time to finally catch you all up on the past couple of CRAZY months of my life. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My final GPA of a 4.0 was higher than the amount of money left in my bank account at more than one time over the course of the semester, and I ended up writing two entire essays from a not-so-cozy little corner in the auto repair shop. An unexpected $1,200 debit card charge and 2 A's on research papers later, here we are. I owe it to the complimentary coffee.

Then just barely more than a week later, I got a flat tire on a Wednesday afternoon in the WSU parking lot. So for the third time in less than two months, I found myself back in the same auto repair shop, in the same not-so-cozy little corner, sipping the same complimentary coffee, beginning to feel a little more at home than I care to admit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite all the random, frustrating and painfully stressful happenings throughout the semester, though, I really did finish with a 4.0 for the second semester in a row now. To everyone who knew how miserable I was through high school and told me I would hit my stride once I got to college, you were absolutely right. I even made the Dean's List. 

I love my university, I love my major, and I love the opportunities I've been given in the short two years I've been a Shocker. I'm already approaching my third year, and it just keeps getting better. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh and by the way, world, slow down a little. I'm not sure I'm okay with being a big sister to a high school graduate. He's still supposed to be playing with Thomas trains, not wearing ties. He's also not supposed to be this tall. I even wore my favorite heels to graduation and look at this madness. Fix it. On a serious note, though, congratulations on finishing IB, little dude. Shocker Nation can't wait for ya! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oma and Papa Perez flew to Wichita for the graduation, which meant an obscene number of Phase 10 games and nothing but laughs. Papa was especially thrilled about the appetizer platters. If you missed them this time, don't worry. I'll graduate from WSU in two more years. They'll be back. ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to Lawrence the weekend before finals to see Hayley Kiyoko with my best friend, which was without a doubt one of the highlights of 20-gay-teen so far. Waiting in line for four hours in the heat and then being jammed into The Granada was so worth it, even though I passed out in a pizzeria across the street immediately after. 

You just can't go wrong with concerts. I was probably one of 10 (MAYBE) straight people there, and I loved every minute. 

Followed that up by seeing James Taylor live right here in Wichita with my mom, spending the whole night singing along to the same songs my mama always sang to my brother and I growing up. 

James Taylor always says, "shower the people you love with love."

We did nothing less.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And yeah. If you thought I was going to let Riverfest 2018 happen without getting embarrassingly covered in powdered sugar from a funnel cake, you have never been more wrong. 

"Is the funnel cake really going to be your dinner?" - my mom

"Yes. Give me a break. I only have this chance 9 out of the 365 days in a year." - me 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My summer so far has consisted of work, time with friends, tie-dying t-shirts, and a lot of this:

Tanning at the pool.

Candles and poetry.

Guinea pig cuddles. Meet Draco, if you haven't yet! He's 3 months old and adores attention. Also, totally could model. Am I right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, in summary, on top of all of these types of things I'm still working two jobs, babysitting part-time, and interviewing for a third position tomorrow. My car is functional now, and hopefully will be for a while since I'm still in recovery from that out-of-the-blue $1,500 expense. 

I think the important thing to remember is that sometimes, things are going to be great and other times, things are going to be not-so-great. One of the best things a person can ever be is resilient, if you ask me, and I want you to remember that when things in your own fraction of the universe start to get rocky. 

Life doesn't promise you consistency. 

You just have to learn to deal with the disappointments and you have to celebrate the little things that give you any sense of peace or of happiness because nothing is as permanent as it seems in any given moment. 

I could've let the fact that my brother turned down my dinner invitation bother me the entire night, but instead I've been able to sit at my computer and channel that energy into something that has resulted now in my heart feeling fuller and happier than it has since the last time I wrote anything. 

So I'll repeat it once more, just so I know you heard me. 

Life doesn't promise you consistency. 

And thank goodness it doesn't. Wouldn't that be boring? 

We'd always know what to expect and when to expect it. 

Where's the fun in that? 

Oh yeah, there isn't any. 

So go live your life. The best of it, the worst of it, and everything in between. 

I love you.