I've shared a lot of my #selflovejourney anywhere and everywhere since I started it, but seeing as it is such a big part of how I've gotten to be who I am today I feel like I ought to sit down and tell you why I've added a second part.
A title.
I feel like you should know why I call myself a "human experience enthusiast" now.
More than a handful of people have heard me use the term as I've attempted to describe myself time and time again. And almost every time without fail, as soon as I've spoken the last syllable, the inevitable question gets asked.
"What does that even mean?"
And they aren't wrong to ask. If someone used those words to describe themselves to me, I wouldn't know how to even begin to respond.
That's why I chose the words I did. They initiate conversation. They spark questions. They provide a platform from which I can begin to preach the ways I think and the ways I feel. They allow people to get me, in a way that also allows me to "get" them.
As it turns out, you can tell a lot about people from the way they react when they expect you to tell them the things they hear every day and instead you hit them with the term, "human experience enthusiast" like it's the new normal.
So here's what that means.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It means that I've found a new passion in realizing that I'm just a person. That I'm going to make mistakes. That I'm going to be weak. That I'm going to feel unstoppable some days and worthless on others. That people are going to hurt my feelings, whether it be intentional or not. That I'm not always going to wake up wanting to do the things I need to. That people will stay in my life if and only if they want to, and that they're entitled to walk away if I'm not enough of the things they want.
It means that I've gotten my heart broken and I've been the reason other people in this world can say that, too.
It means that I've slowly started to let go of the wild idea that I have to be the best person I can be at any and all times.
It means I've come to understand that telling people I can't go to their party because I desperately need a day to sleep in and do absolutely nothing is perfectly acceptable.
It means I'm not as afraid to let my walls down with new people anymore. And yes, it comes along with the risk of another devastating letdown. It comes along with me knowing, as I tell everything to said person, that they could very well be the reason for my next miserably sleepless night. But if I'm not willing to be human enough to get to know them and to let them get to know me, I'm turning my back on one of the greatest and most powerful things in the world. Emotional connection.
Being a human experience enthusiast means me being willing to accept what comes. Bad or good. It means staying up later than I'd like to finishing research paper after research paper because I want my degree but I also love my friends and want to take them to dinner on the weekends.
It means I'm comfortable when I show up to school with no makeup on because that is the purest, rawest depiction of me and anything real is where my heart is.
It means walking in the rain when I get the chance.
It means sitting alone in coffee shops watching everyone else, because everyone else has someone else with them and they're talking and laughing and it must feel great to be them- but I feel pretty lucky being there on my own. With nobody to talk to besides my empty notebook, which isn't worried about checking the time or preoccupied by a phone full of notifications.
It means living. Day in and day out. Being present. Hearing what people have to say, taking some of it to heart and some of it with a grain of salt. It means writing blogs like this one about how I feel rather than shrugging everything off and pretending everything is fine for the sake of other people not worrying or getting involved.
It means telling myself it's okay to not practice this art every day. That it's okay to admit that I'm scared or stressed or feel like breaking. That my white Chuck Taylor's weren't made to stay white forever, and that they're stained now because they've been everywhere I've been and seen everything I've seen.
My white Chuck Taylor's are a lesson: life colors you.
Not delicately. Not even close. But it has fun.
And more than anything, being a human experience enthusiast just means guaranteed growth.
Because there's no such thing as an experience that means nothing. There's no such thing as not making a mess. Shoes don't stay white forever. Lives only last so long.
This is the human experience. Do it all with your whole heart. Living as a human experience enthusiast is success.
A title.
I feel like you should know why I call myself a "human experience enthusiast" now.
More than a handful of people have heard me use the term as I've attempted to describe myself time and time again. And almost every time without fail, as soon as I've spoken the last syllable, the inevitable question gets asked.
"What does that even mean?"
And they aren't wrong to ask. If someone used those words to describe themselves to me, I wouldn't know how to even begin to respond.
That's why I chose the words I did. They initiate conversation. They spark questions. They provide a platform from which I can begin to preach the ways I think and the ways I feel. They allow people to get me, in a way that also allows me to "get" them.
As it turns out, you can tell a lot about people from the way they react when they expect you to tell them the things they hear every day and instead you hit them with the term, "human experience enthusiast" like it's the new normal.
So here's what that means.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It means that I've found a new passion in realizing that I'm just a person. That I'm going to make mistakes. That I'm going to be weak. That I'm going to feel unstoppable some days and worthless on others. That people are going to hurt my feelings, whether it be intentional or not. That I'm not always going to wake up wanting to do the things I need to. That people will stay in my life if and only if they want to, and that they're entitled to walk away if I'm not enough of the things they want.
It means that I've gotten my heart broken and I've been the reason other people in this world can say that, too.
It means that I've slowly started to let go of the wild idea that I have to be the best person I can be at any and all times.
It means I've come to understand that telling people I can't go to their party because I desperately need a day to sleep in and do absolutely nothing is perfectly acceptable.
It means I'm not as afraid to let my walls down with new people anymore. And yes, it comes along with the risk of another devastating letdown. It comes along with me knowing, as I tell everything to said person, that they could very well be the reason for my next miserably sleepless night. But if I'm not willing to be human enough to get to know them and to let them get to know me, I'm turning my back on one of the greatest and most powerful things in the world. Emotional connection.
Being a human experience enthusiast means me being willing to accept what comes. Bad or good. It means staying up later than I'd like to finishing research paper after research paper because I want my degree but I also love my friends and want to take them to dinner on the weekends.
It means I'm comfortable when I show up to school with no makeup on because that is the purest, rawest depiction of me and anything real is where my heart is.
It means walking in the rain when I get the chance.
It means sitting alone in coffee shops watching everyone else, because everyone else has someone else with them and they're talking and laughing and it must feel great to be them- but I feel pretty lucky being there on my own. With nobody to talk to besides my empty notebook, which isn't worried about checking the time or preoccupied by a phone full of notifications.
It means living. Day in and day out. Being present. Hearing what people have to say, taking some of it to heart and some of it with a grain of salt. It means writing blogs like this one about how I feel rather than shrugging everything off and pretending everything is fine for the sake of other people not worrying or getting involved.
It means telling myself it's okay to not practice this art every day. That it's okay to admit that I'm scared or stressed or feel like breaking. That my white Chuck Taylor's weren't made to stay white forever, and that they're stained now because they've been everywhere I've been and seen everything I've seen.
My white Chuck Taylor's are a lesson: life colors you.
Not delicately. Not even close. But it has fun.
And more than anything, being a human experience enthusiast just means guaranteed growth.
Because there's no such thing as an experience that means nothing. There's no such thing as not making a mess. Shoes don't stay white forever. Lives only last so long.
This is the human experience. Do it all with your whole heart. Living as a human experience enthusiast is success.
nothing more.
nothing less.
xox,
success isn't a milestone, it's a lifestyle
these are a few of the Polaroids that have been taken in moments that made me happy to be alive and to be human
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