I've been working on my coming book, "Mother Nature I Am Hungry-- NOTES TO THE UNIVERSE" for going on three years now.
And because I know you're getting ready to ask me what the book is about, it's very difficult to explain it to you in a way that makes it sound like anything you'd ever walk towards and pick up off of a bookshelf.
It's very hard to summarize the things I've written about in as few words as possible for fear of losing your attention. It's hard to tell you that it's a book of poetry and short stories about my life experiences because you have no reason to want to read that- and I can't blame you.
So instead of getting frustrated with you for not wanting to read the things I write, and instead of talking myself down as I come to the realization that I might be the only person who will ever have an appreciation for the book once it exists, I'm going to educate you about how it came to be an idea at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never set out to write a book. Writing a novel sounds terrifying. Submitting works to publishers and hoping they'll like the things that have traveled from my heart and my head to my fingertips as I've filled empty pages in journal after journal still terrifies me. Putting my entire being into something that might not work almost scared me away from ever making my dream of becoming an author a reality.
I've blogged since my freshman year of high school, and as a result I've read through comment threads full of everything from the greatest compliments I've ever gotten to the absolute most disgusting things people have said to me.
I've written about everything.
Bad grades, family conversations, trips with friends, moments of my life that have impacted how I behave, dating, breakups, learning to drive, what it was like to lose a mentor, starting college, getting shot, being able to vote, finding my confidence, everything. You name it, I've probably blogged it- and been insulted for it.
I wrote about a breakup one time, and the following are all actual quotes from the comment thread on that one post:
Yeah. That really happened.
My point is, people haven't always appreciated my writing, or even understood it- and I get that.
Writing is an art form that requires vulnerability, and I truly believe that anyone who is bold enough to write how they feel or what they think and to write it honestly without being afraid of how people are going to respond is one of the most incredible things to happen underneath the moon and stars.
My problem was that I did have that fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did. Don't anymore.
One day towards the end of my junior year, one of my friends found me sitting by myself without a notebook or pen in my hand.
"What's going on?" he asked. "Talk to me."
"People don't like what I'm writing," I told him, half-expecting him to apologize and then change the subject.
Instead he surprised me as he looked at me and smiled.
"That's irrelevant," he told me. "They don't need to like it. You do."
"I do," I told him. "But that doesn't seem to be enough."
"Why not??" he asked. "What makes that not enough?"
"I don't know," I whispered as my voice got shakier and shakier. "My heart should feel full and it doesn't."
"Then write about how hungry you feel," he said to me, as if he was a robot that could spit answers faster than I could question it. And then he changed everything.
"Just write about it. You don't have to worry about what other people think. Just write. However much you want. Write a book if you want to."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The idea of loving people more and having less fear is complicated because loving people can be scary, and that concept is what inspired me to write a decent portion of the book.
That section is a brief piece titled, "The Worst Part of Loving Someone Too Much," and it focuses on the challenge of getting over heartbreak- both as it happens and then as people transition into moving on and eventually loving other people or being loved by others. It's about the process of letting down your walls, only to build them back up and tear them down again and again and again as you navigate love and everything it entails.
When my boyfriend saw I had shared the title of that chapter on SnapChat, he asked to read it. I didn't have it on me, but I explained what is was about as I've done again just now.
"I don't think it's even possible to love someone too much," he told me, "Love them infinitely because maybe they don't know what love is."
Before I could think of a response, he followed up his own thought.
"You can't just fall out of love," he said. "Everything you did is still there, it doesn't just go away."
"Do you think you can regret it?" I asked him. He thought for a moment.
"I don't think you should," he told me. "It was a learning experience either way."
Experience. One of my favorite words. Hence my title, human experience enthusiast. Here's that idea in action.
"The only impact that you have when you leave is how much love you spread," he continued. "You should take every opportunity to do that."
And he's so, so right. I could listen to him talk forever.
But instead, I have a new part of the book to write. ;)
A new part of the book that'll be written with a full heart and a hungry soul- about what it means to love someone.
Book coming March of 2018. I can't wait until it finds you.
And because I know you're getting ready to ask me what the book is about, it's very difficult to explain it to you in a way that makes it sound like anything you'd ever walk towards and pick up off of a bookshelf.
It's very hard to summarize the things I've written about in as few words as possible for fear of losing your attention. It's hard to tell you that it's a book of poetry and short stories about my life experiences because you have no reason to want to read that- and I can't blame you.
So instead of getting frustrated with you for not wanting to read the things I write, and instead of talking myself down as I come to the realization that I might be the only person who will ever have an appreciation for the book once it exists, I'm going to educate you about how it came to be an idea at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never set out to write a book. Writing a novel sounds terrifying. Submitting works to publishers and hoping they'll like the things that have traveled from my heart and my head to my fingertips as I've filled empty pages in journal after journal still terrifies me. Putting my entire being into something that might not work almost scared me away from ever making my dream of becoming an author a reality.
I've blogged since my freshman year of high school, and as a result I've read through comment threads full of everything from the greatest compliments I've ever gotten to the absolute most disgusting things people have said to me.
I've written about everything.
Bad grades, family conversations, trips with friends, moments of my life that have impacted how I behave, dating, breakups, learning to drive, what it was like to lose a mentor, starting college, getting shot, being able to vote, finding my confidence, everything. You name it, I've probably blogged it- and been insulted for it.
I wrote about a breakup one time, and the following are all actual quotes from the comment thread on that one post:
"Nobody feels bad for you."
"You're just making yourself look pathetic."
"You know nobody cares, right?"
I wrote once about an instance in which I was talked down to by someone just because I was younger than she was, and someone called me out for complaining about something that little because I'm white and privileged and there are bigger issues in the world.
Yeah. That really happened.
My point is, people haven't always appreciated my writing, or even understood it- and I get that.
Writing is an art form that requires vulnerability, and I truly believe that anyone who is bold enough to write how they feel or what they think and to write it honestly without being afraid of how people are going to respond is one of the most incredible things to happen underneath the moon and stars.
My problem was that I did have that fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did. Don't anymore.
One day towards the end of my junior year, one of my friends found me sitting by myself without a notebook or pen in my hand.
"What's going on?" he asked. "Talk to me."
"People don't like what I'm writing," I told him, half-expecting him to apologize and then change the subject.
Instead he surprised me as he looked at me and smiled.
"That's irrelevant," he told me. "They don't need to like it. You do."
"I do," I told him. "But that doesn't seem to be enough."
"Why not??" he asked. "What makes that not enough?"
"I don't know," I whispered as my voice got shakier and shakier. "My heart should feel full and it doesn't."
"Then write about how hungry you feel," he said to me, as if he was a robot that could spit answers faster than I could question it. And then he changed everything.
"Just write about it. You don't have to worry about what other people think. Just write. However much you want. Write a book if you want to."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I did.
Well, I am.
But that's what it's about.
The people I've learned things from, the things that have happened, and having a heart that is never full because I'm always hungry for more of whatever the world has to offer.
More rough Monday mornings,
more parked car conversations,
more heartbreaks,
more good morning kisses
more coffee-stained t-shirts
more teary-eyed goodbyes
more plane tickets
more laughing
more Sunday naps on the couch
more fighting for what I believe in
more fighting for who I believe in
more missing morning alarms
more nights of dessert first
more waiting until the last minute to write essays
more smearing mascara
more sincere apologies
more sweating at the gym
more adventure
more mistakes
more more fears and more facing them
and mostly
more loving people.
More of everything but fear.
Less fear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The idea of loving people more and having less fear is complicated because loving people can be scary, and that concept is what inspired me to write a decent portion of the book.
That section is a brief piece titled, "The Worst Part of Loving Someone Too Much," and it focuses on the challenge of getting over heartbreak- both as it happens and then as people transition into moving on and eventually loving other people or being loved by others. It's about the process of letting down your walls, only to build them back up and tear them down again and again and again as you navigate love and everything it entails.
When my boyfriend saw I had shared the title of that chapter on SnapChat, he asked to read it. I didn't have it on me, but I explained what is was about as I've done again just now.
"I don't think it's even possible to love someone too much," he told me, "Love them infinitely because maybe they don't know what love is."
Before I could think of a response, he followed up his own thought.
"You can't just fall out of love," he said. "Everything you did is still there, it doesn't just go away."
"Do you think you can regret it?" I asked him. He thought for a moment.
"I don't think you should," he told me. "It was a learning experience either way."
Experience. One of my favorite words. Hence my title, human experience enthusiast. Here's that idea in action.
"The only impact that you have when you leave is how much love you spread," he continued. "You should take every opportunity to do that."
And he's so, so right. I could listen to him talk forever.
But instead, I have a new part of the book to write. ;)
A new part of the book that'll be written with a full heart and a hungry soul- about what it means to love someone.
Book coming March of 2018. I can't wait until it finds you.
xox,
i am loving people with less fear
the experience demands to be shared
and i demand that love be shared with others
from where I stand, I feel strong
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