Evolve or remain.

A lot changed this year. Some that I'll talk about, and some that I won't. Some that I saw coming, and some that I never could've expected. Some that I wish I could live again, some that I'll spend quite a while trying to forget. But 2019 was good. Really good. Despite the jam packed calendar and personal challenges. 2019 was really, really good- and I'm choosing to focus on that.  Because I could say that this was one of my worst years as far as my mental illness is concerned, and I could highlight why that's true, but I'd much rather sit here and tell you about how I let it all help me. This was the first year I was brave enough to open up about my mental illness. I started writing a lot more about what it's like to live with depression and anxiety, and consequently found myself buried in very intimate conversations about it too. Conversations I was never really ready for, but had been waiting to have at the same time. Conversations that forced...

The other day my professor for one of my lecture courses started the session by calling my name and asking me to read my paper in front of the class. I declined.  Writing is what I do and it's what I'm comfortable with, but it's also where I go with all the parts of me that I don't feel safe enough to speak about. That's where I go to put the feelings and ideas that make me uncomfortable or that highlight my insecurities, because there's nobody inside that paper trying to question it, criticize it, or (worst of all) give me an unsolicited opinion. But I didn't know how to make him understand that, so I just told him I'd pass. "He looks defeated," the person sitting next to me in class told me as my professor tucked my paper back into his binder.   My professor pulled my paper out a second time, motioning to me in hopes I'd change my mind. "This is really good," he said. "You're full of really good ideas and I...